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Home » Money Matters » HE FEELS THREATENED BY YOUR HIGHER SALARY!

This forum is concerned with all issues relating to money in the home. Finances and how they are managed
9/20/2012

butterfly
butterfly
Posts: 40
Fellow WRT members, candidly advise me on how to approach this obviously very sensitive topic. A friend's hubby is asking her to quit her job becuase according to her he is not comfortable with her job anymore citing all manners of excuses. She believes its basically because her salary has significantly dwarfed his over the years. His was far higher than hers when they got married but over the years she's been so blessed that her salary is almost double his and since then he blames her job for anything that goes wrong in the house, to the extent of implying that her little child's headache, stooling or high temperature is somehow caused by her.
He is threatening her marriage if she doesn't quit her job. They've been married for 12yrs with 4lovely kids. What will your advice to her be ?
I've invited her over to the forum but she is too distraught to even type a composed mail, maybe when all this is over she will grace us with her presence.
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9/20/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
Has she been lording Ȋ̝̊̅† over her husband cos of her higher salary?coss sth musst have made him insecure abt it
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9/30/2012

Mindster
Mindster
Posts: 11
In regard 2 wat dr flow said its stil applicable but i dnt know if she has politely discus dat wit hubby basically on d increase w of salary wit any other fringe benefit ad really know his feeling if she has done then let seek
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9/30/2012

Mindster
Mindster
Posts: 11
Let her seek d face of lord ad also his cos its quiet a critical issue dat nds to tackled wit evry prudency wish her luck
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10/2/2012

chisco
chisco
Posts: 8
Why must men always feel insecure over our finances??? Pls butterfly tell ur friend not to leave her job for anything in the world cos I had been in a situation where all I needed was given to me by a man and I know how down troden it was and how I was treated. Manage him n keep ur job too.
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10/3/2012

stinger
stinger
Posts: 61
Finance management in marriage! One very very delicate aspect of this our union.<div>1st thing i'll say is 'Pls, ask her not to quit her job!' She should not do that at all at all. That will make her resent her husband so much and that will be the beginning of the end of that marriage!</div><div>Just like Dr Flow rightly asked, has she been lording this fact (that she is making more money) over her husband?</div><div>Now let me be very clear about this question i asked above</div><div><br></div><div>We women think so very differently from men. men NEED to know they are in charge, that they are to be depended on, that they are the pillars in the home. In as much as it sounds old school and archaic, its true!</div><div>Now, sometimes, we women, having come very far in life and having gone through a lot, we tend to enter marriage with an independent attitude. This is very good but we need to know when this independence begins to cause friction.</div><div>Butterfly, when ur friend was earning lower than her husband, she probably was more dependent on him to take care of the financial needs of the house. When she started earning more, she probably felt that the guy had tried enough so it was her turn to bear some of the burdens in the house. The man will notice that the number of times she requests for money is decreasing - his ego will start getting hurt (very funny but very true).</div><div>She buys things more, she changes things more - his ego will start getting hurt. he thinks 'i am the man, how come my woman is doing all these'?</div><div>He gradually starts feeling bad that he isn't in the position where the woman will need him for everything.</div><div>And we know when men are angry about something they feel is 'stupid' (he knows its a stupid ego thing) they take it out on any and everything!</div><div><br></div><div>Having said all these, I suggest she speaks with her husband. She lets him know that the fact that she's earning more does not make him any less of a man. Does not change the fact that he is the head of the home. That it infact, is a blessing to the family. God has blessed them and it doesnt matter who HE chose to bless them through. If the man actually believes that him and his wife are ONE then he doesnt need to feel bad about her money cos its his too!</div><div>She should try and make him see. </div><div>I dont know how they were handling their finances when the woman was earning less but if it will help, let them go back to that method (since it was not causing wahala then)</div><div><br></div><div>I wish her all the best and please,try and make her come over here. Make she no worry, we can read badly composed mails <img src="emoticons/21.gif"></div>
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10/15/2012

kimsha
kimsha
Posts: 2
Dear butterfly,
I can totally relate to your friend and I have a few advice for her.
I’m new on this forum and also at the moment earn higher than my hubby, as much as this has its advantages there are plenty of the low side as well.
Men wants control and believe a woman that earns more cannot be dominated a 100% because financial freedom tends to give some level of independence.
My hubby sometimes refers to my pay check as the reason behind every quarrel that we have. I’m proud when I have a contrary opinion, not submissive enough and e.t.c. but imagine if he earns far higher than me then I’ll be described as intelligent, has a mind of her own, very supportive, a goal getter and a good wife.
Every success is accompanied by its own set of challenges so to have a balanced career and family life, a professional woman or ( d higher earning woman) must multiply her humility, your domestic contributions has surpass that of the normal or regular earning woman.
You just have to find a way to cook, do home work, and ensure all other domestic needs of your husband are respectfully met. i.e your pay check must not be reflected in your role as a wife and a mother. As simple as this may sound, it is financially, emotionally and physically draining.
Once the Husband sees that her earning higher than him will not reduce his control over the wife, then discussion of quitting her job will not arise anymore.
For now though, she has to deploy every feminine trick possible to keep that job while consciously doing the things I stated above.
I wish her good luck
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