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Home » Physical abuse » Running For My Future

This forum looks at issues relating to physical abuse at you by your spouse or (yes) at your spouse by you!
6/30/2012

chisco
chisco
Posts: 8
I have been married for 6yrs with 2 kids to show for. My ordeal started on my wedding night which after all the wedding preparations n wedding itself I was stressed out. That night my husband tried touching me which I was tired with a little fever while I resisted I got a slap dat night. That was the beginning of my nightmare. While pregnant for my first issue it was beatings all through. Even after my first child came she grew up seeing me being assaulted.3yrs down the line I had a second child and the story never changed. My children have grown to see me with tears all through either from saying am tired during sex or from insisting that certain things be done. Finally I resorted to silence so that I don't get beaten but I silence still pulled the last straw where I was beaten n almost strangled.The truth is am on a cross road now cos I've left n seriously looking for accomodation so that I can go get my kids whose welfare had always been my wahala. Their father cared little or nothing about their welfare. I actually still go there to check on my kids but I think I need to run for my future before a man strangles life out of me.
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7/1/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
Did you say strangle? My God what are our men turning into? Please i have to ask you a question did you not notice his violent streaks before you married him? Did his parents force him to marry you? Am glad you have finally realized your self and run for your life. Please DO NOT listen to anyone who will tell you to "consider the kids" and move back to his house. Your children need you alive, or another woman will turn them into slaves when he eventually kills you. Because he will. You might not survive the next strangulation. Please learn form other women who have died at the hands of their husbands. Hope you have your own source of income and you are not totally dependent on him. Dont worry everything will be fine as long as you keep away from him. you deserve someone who will love you and treat u like a queen.
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7/1/2012

mamadey
mamadey
Posts: 36
You did the right thing by leaving the house. you needed to leave and re-appraise the situation. I know lots of people will feel you did the wrong thing but with the growing spate of husbands killing their wives, prevention is better than the stories that will come after!
Now you are out, get a grip and focus on you life. Dont even fight him for the children (cos the truth is he might not want to give them up to you just to spite you). the kids know their mother and they will always love you. And they are his kids. If he lets you have the kids, then all thanks to God. Let me ask you, is your family aware of all these things you have being going thru at the hands of your husband? What have they being saying about it? i think you have to get ur family involved - if they arent already. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Only a tree stands when it knows it is to be cut down. You are not a tree, you are a woman - strong and beautiful in and out. You can do this. I really wish you well, dear. I pray God gives you the much needed strength to go through this and come out stronger and a better person.
Do take care
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7/4/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
Its a sad story but its a reality most women face at home.its a good thing u finally wisened up n said no to d violence cos Ȋ̝̊̅† only gets worse n u cud loose ur life.pls do not let anyone tell u dat u did d wrong thing.The Lord is ur strength
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7/4/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
Do u stay in Lag?if yes den I have a friend abt to travel n wants 2 rent out his flat.its a 3 bdrm flat in Ogudu ojota.All d best dear
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7/16/2012

chisco
chisco
Posts: 8
Hmm my family is aware of the whole situation likewise his family.His father said I committed an abomination by leaving my husband with children.My parents r begging me to go back so dat they don't get de disgrace that their daughter has a broken home. Deep in me I pray fervently for God's direction.I live in Lagos. Some of my friends r saying he has changed cos he never expected me to fight back. But I believe I can move on and find a man dat will love me and treat me like a queen which I believe I am. Pls I need God's voice for direction like wise ur prayers. I pray I will have de mind to move on with out my kids as the last time I visited my daughter had a swollen jaw after being slapped by her dad for trying to rescue her brother from being beaten.Am truly a woman in pains.I pray God spares my life to live long for my children.
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7/18/2012

butterfly
butterfly
Posts: 40
Hmmmmmmmmmm, this is quite tricky, I never imagined myself advising a married woman to move out and stay out of her matrimonial home but I guess there is always a first time. You won't be the first to commit such abomination (If its an abomination where your father in-law came from), tell him that the biggest abomination is when you leave the house in a body bag or with a permanent disability. Your next plan should be how to rescue your children before he visits the anger he feels for you on the poor kids. I will suggest you speak to your mother in-law about taking the kids or if possible start thinking of suing for divorce and asking for full custody of the kids. Hope you work and can take care of your bills otherwise its going to be a very long road for you.
No matter what anybody says, that animal is not part of your future. A man that slaps his wife on his wedding night belongs in the zoo. I really wonder what the perversion is with men and wedding night sex! Mine tried making love to me on my wedding night too despite the tiredness and stress that comes with planning and carrying out a wedding, I resisted for a while but when I realise it will be a long night if he doesn't get his way, I just had to give in.
Stay out of his life and make plans to reunite with your kids. Our prayers are with you.
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7/19/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
I dont know why parents do this to their daughters all in the name of marriage. Please my dear butterfly is right the greatest abomination will be when you leave that house in a body bag. Go and take ur children from him before he does them grievous harm. Your children are better off in a one room apartment with you than in a mansion with him. they need you, so you should go and get them. Dont wait till you get "enough money" cos money is never enough, even rich people need more money. If he cant treat his own children well is it another woman that will? so ur kids need you. What ever you do DO NOT listen to what ur parents are saying.
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7/19/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
Dearie hope u have been able to get accomodation.The good Lord ll see u thru
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7/20/2012

chisco
chisco
Posts: 8
I should be able to complete my accomodation process by next week.My mum just entered naija today so I will be expecting to see her next week to know her own package of advice.I pray for God's strength, His direction and most especially the gift of life.
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7/22/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
The Lord is ur strength dear
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10/11/2012

omotol
omotol
Posts: 3
God be with u dear....
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12/7/2012

chisco
chisco
Posts: 8
After mums advice of going back I took to it but decided to camp in my childrens room for a while. Guess what the man had me beaten again seriously this time. But the goodnews today is I have left with my kids. Went to violence against women who gave me a lawyer and we are now in court. Finally gotten a house and since I left with my kids their father hasn't bothered to kn if they eat or go to school. The most he did was to call my office telling them how I sleep around with men and that a man rented an apartment for me and I moved into it after it was furnished. My manager had to call me to ask me questions and after the long story they told him that I've been suspended which made him so happy. That was when it dawned on me that for things to work out I need to go legal. He even went as far as writting rubbish about me on the internet giving my name and number which a good samaritan had to call me to tell me and assisted in deleting it. The most important thing is am off his house and my kids are with me.
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12/8/2012

dr Flow
dr Flow
Posts: 47
Hmmm.Thank God u r ok.the truth is dat Ȋ̝̊̅† ll take d grace of God n a miracle for ur husband to stop being a wife beater.u took a step in d right direction my dear.God ll surely see u thru.Amen
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12/10/2012

Sister Pea
Sister Pea
Posts: 2
Chisco, it was good you left this man's house. Unfortunately you didn't see the hand writing on time but thank God you're not dead yet. Such people should simply go & live with wild animals bcos they are not fit to dwell among humans. Now he resorts to libel. It shows that a he's a myopic man who does not love his own self not to mention loving his own wife. To extend his aggressiveness on the poor children is the height of his animalistic tendencies. He may not realize how important the family is until you & the children are no where to be found near him. Just remain focused on what you want in life & pray fervently before thinking of another marriage. I pity next woman he will try to deceive.
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12/12/2012

mamadey
mamadey
Posts: 36
Thank God for u dear. That u are out of dat miserable life and doing ok. Be strong, be very strong! Ur kids love u very much. God loves u very much. Take him to court as he needs to carter for his kids,he can't just dump them on u and come back after many years to reap where he didn't sow (cos he surely will). I love ur courage. Don't bother about what people will say,let them talk. You are the one dat wore the shoe,u are the one dat knows where it pinched. As for the guy talking about u commiting an abomination, he shuld go and hug transformer! Like father like son. Mtcheww. May God see u thru
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