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Home » In-Laws » How long should in-laws spend in my house

All issues relating to in laws and their pains and gains are talked about here
1/26/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
My husband's family members have been coming to spend time with us since day 0 of our marriage,everything is fine for a couple of weeks because we are all pretending to tolerate ourselves and then we all get tired and serious friction starts..it once resulted in a shouting match in the middle of the night and involving family on both sides in the long run when the wedding was jus 6months old and i was pregnant.my husband never takes sides i.e he doesnt scold me or speak to his family.no matter how much i talk about it,he tells me to be patient and they'll go eventually
Now,i want to set a rule and i need objective views - how long do you people think it's reasonable for any in-law to stay?this will include my family too.I have bee married for over 2years.Thanks
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1/27/2012

mamadey
mamadey
Posts: 36
Hmmm, issues of in-laws have never had a hard or fast rule. it usually depends on the family, the husband and other factors. I have been married for almost 10years. i used to have the in-laws issue as well. i even had my husbands last brother who almost drove me through the wall! that one didnt just come on a visit, he was living with us and babe, i been chop **** at the time. It caused a lot of friction in my home - between my husband and i and between my in-laws and i. Finally, one day, i called my husband and asked him if he thought having a consistently irritated and angry wife was worth the trouble. We talked and talked. At 1st he was not happy about it but then he eventually saw reason. We helped get the boy a job and helped him get a house of his own. He didnt want to leave but i stood my ground (inside the bedroom with my husband oo) and my husband stood his ground (in the open).
You married your husband, the 2 of you should be left in peace to pursue your life. The time has come for your husband to take a stand. He has to know that you guys have a family to run and people should not just waltz in and out at will. Talk to him and let him see that it is getting to you
1st start with your family. Restrict their visits. send money if you can rather than for them to visit. when ur people dont come anymore, u will have a moral right to ask for the same concession from ur husband about his people.
Ideally, no in-law should stay longer than 1 week.
Its all the cross of marriage.
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1/27/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
exactly mamadey you've said it all.
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1/27/2012

defiant
defiant
Posts: 64
One week ooo. Make dem no stay pass one week. Ah ah! Its hard enuf caring for your family, you will now have another person to contend with. Another person that has this wrong notion that they also have a right in the house just like you.
Mschewwww
<em>edited by defiant on 1/27/2012</em>
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1/27/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
Thanks mamadey,no one in my family has ever stayed for more than a week(including when I had a new baby),my mama na career woman.....
My hubby always always claims they don't inform him before coming&he can't send them back from the door or after they come...
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1/27/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
U even described it better than me,they waltz in&out when they like w/out informing anyone.....My husband is that non-challant,I even say things like "do u see my family intruding or coming to crowd us" and his response is they are welcome to stay if they want....he's extremely confident I am an intolerant person,I just like making trouble,I should just be patient,d females(20/21/22 yes old oh) will soon go&marry,it's so so draining!!!
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1/27/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
Defiant,no be small talk-they actually think we have equal rights-I put off the gen @ night because I need to sleep w/out the noise&shehas d effontery to go&put it on because she's hot...My husband's judgement is leave it for a while&he'll put it of for me..of course he "forgets"&am not able to sleep..like WTF??
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1/28/2012

xoxo
xoxo
Posts: 8
Hi all,am new here and happy †̥ be part of this wonderful family. In ♍Ɣ opinion i blive it shd be aa mutual agreement btw †ђξ couples. They can come †̥ greet you anytime but when it come †̥ staying both party has A̶̲̥̅̊ say. What's †ђξ purpose of visit so frm there Ɣ☺u shd be able †̥ deduced aw long he/she ll β staying. Can Ɣ☺u imagine someone who is acting like ♍Ɣ father-in-law(cos he's late) actually told ♍Ɣ hubby when we were looking for house that he shdnt get accommodation around his family vicinity. †̥ †ђξ extent that he shd even secure an apartment in an estate where †ђξ security ll always alert us we get visitor at †ђξ main entrance b4 dy reach our door sef. He said he was talking frm experience and not saying his pple r bad.
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1/28/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
what the hell...she puts on the generator after you have put it on? I think its time you stood your ground. when next anyone misbehaves you tell them point blank. If someone eats and doesnt wash up you call them and tell them to wash the plate and clean up the kitchen. cos the truth is that some people just dont learn and dont have sense. And you warn ur sister inlaw that under no circumstance should she turn on the generator after you have put it off or she will go home that night. Whether or not ur nice to them they will still say ur wicked and call yo ua witch, so you theres no need trying to make them like you and suffering in silience.
Since your husband wont talk to them, when you start sending them on errands which they are uncomfortable with they will know to stop coming around.
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1/29/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
Kiky,it's good I found dis group&decided to speak up
When I tell hubby about unwashed plates,he says I shouldn't worry they'll wash when they wake up even if that's 12noon...when I send them on errands,they don't get up&hubby says things like "I don't handle situations well",I should come&tell him..so if I tell him,"ngwa dirty plates",he'll go&wash it himself..,d dusbtbin is full..he'll call d gateman to come&carry it....my next plan is that d next time one comes,I won't open d door or I'll tell her straight up-u aren't welcome!!!problem is my sista thinks I have no business wit the in-law..na my husbad I suppose face!!kai,I don tire!!!
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1/29/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
wow this is really serious and stressful. ur sister is right. Its ur husband u should face. but apparently he isnt seeing the seriousness of the issue. Maybe what you should try is just ignore everyone for a while and see what happens. Maybe your husband will be the one to get tired. And if he doesnt, please invite your family to come and live with you. one way or the other he must get tired of everyone in the house and ask all of them to leave. And just keep praying to God for your husband to favour you and start listening to you, cos some men are very difficult for no reason at all.
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1/29/2012

xoxo
xoxo
Posts: 8
@sister, i agreed with kikky allow ur sis or bro †̥ come over then ur hubby ll understand whatt Ɣ☺u ve been saying. Cos am sure dy won't β there and allowed dir sis †̥ β insulted. Hp ur house won't β turned †̥ fuji house of commotion sha "̮Loº°˚˚°ºoL"̮‎​​​ .
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1/29/2012

xoxo
xoxo
Posts: 8
@sister, i agreed with kikky allow ur sis or bro †̥ come over then ur hubby ll understand whatt Ɣ☺u ve been saying. Cos am sure dy won't β there and allowed dir sis †̥ β insulted. Hp ur house won't β turned †̥ fuji house of commotion sha "̮Loº°˚˚°ºoL"̮‎​​​ .
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1/30/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
Lmao,u girls are cracking me up...me&my sista tries it once and after she came to shake d house up for 3days,my mum heard about it&banned all my siblings from stayon over @ mine for even one night....@ d moment,I am ignoring but like u rightly said,my husband sees absolutely no wrongdoing anywhere..he talks about how we should think about our kids&ensure they have goodwill abi is it people are happy with them because of the future..I once told him blatanty no one knows d future but even if my kids will need help in d future,my family is enough..all his family members should help themselves&dat hurt him....d matter just causes unneccessary strain&its very draining
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1/30/2012

skyscraper
skyscraper
Posts: 53
Hmmm, na real wa. Looks like your sis-in-lwas are going out of their ways to make you miserable and uncomfortable in your own house. Will they tell me that they leave dirty plates in the kitchen back in their homes? Do they tell me that if their brother puts off the gen, they'll go and put it on??? They are clearly out to get on ur nerves and you are letting them. They are very young (20 - 22) and are probably still behaving like children. Babe, you have to put them in their place. Tell ur husband that dirty plates cant wait in ur sink indefinetely and that he knows there is absolutely no way you will wash plate used by his sisters.
If your husband wants to be removing the trash, then that is his problem. If it gets full, call one of the girls to move it. if they dont, then tell their brother (ur husband) to move it. Person wey bring in ant infested firewood no suppose surprise when lizard pay am visit
As for them moving or chaging things that you have kept the way you want (like putting on the gen after you put it off), hmm, talk to them oo. Talk to them like you would talk to responsible adults.(talk to your husband as you are talking to them) If they dont listen then babe, whatever come to your mind, do am! even God no go blame you.
Ah ah, wetin. For ur own house again???
Which kain help them wan render for your children for future wey go make them kill u now? Make him (ur hubby) understand say im no be woman so make im leave woman to handle woman matter (as im no wan put down im foot on their stay limit, he should let you organize how ur house will function with the visitors na, haba)

Stand ur ground abeg. Na ur house!
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1/30/2012

Kiky
Kiky
Posts: 56
skyscraper my sentiments exactly. Kilon shele...at imagine the rats.
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1/30/2012

Sister
Sister
Posts: 13
Skyscraper&kiky,thank you oh.I was beginning to think myself crazy because even my colleagues @ work describe me as xtremely friendly yet xtremely "no nonsense" but these people just turn me to modern day mumu!!!I'll keep up my latest silent treatment&ignoring till then end of february after which I'll show everyone involved who d woman (a.k.a owner,a.k.a madam) of the house is.My husband knows that side of me well enough so I pray/hope he'll see it coming&thibk they deserved it”pushed me to d wall..So help me God!!!
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